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So Raw…

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For so many, finding out the child they are carrying, the child they have been anticipating,  has a birth “defect”, is devastating news.   I hate hate hate using that word… DEFECT.  Like a badly made pair of shoes you have to return to the store because they fell apart before they were supposed to.  Isn’t that a terrible way to look at it?  That’s how much of the world, our world, looks at these precious children… poorly made and worthy of nothing more than to be destroyed so that parents can try for a “normal” baby afterwards.

This child will be “different”, right?  Is that what people are afraid of?  Being judged, scoffed at by others for having a child who is “disabled”, deformed, or being called the “R” word.  As terrible as this is, there is some valid concern here, “will my child be made fun of?”, “Will my child have a good life?”   But should that fear, yes that is all it is, FEAR…  really make one choose to do away with their child?   Does that in and of itself justify ending a life?   Of course not!    What happened to being fearless, strong and determined?  Why are we so afraid of everything?  Is this just our culture to turn a blind eye and run from anything that calls us to rise up and overcome?

It seems every culture in the world believes babies who are “different” should be dealt with or locked away forever.  Babies all over the world are abandoned in train stations, flushed down the toilet, tossed into pit latrines and left to drown in filth, sold into the sex trafficking industry, and so on and so on…    Even remote tribes people living deep in the jungles of the Amazon believe if a baby is born with a deformity,  it is the mothers duty to kill the child.  terrible right?  I can’t even believe this happens?  This is all worse than anything I could ever imagine happening!

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I was recently driving and spotted a bumper sticker the other day.  I saw the notorious pro-abortion statement which said, “If it’s not your body, it’s not your choice.”  This statement is the most ridiculous thing.  Yet so many very intelligent politicans, doctors, educators and so on, keep saying this?  Agreeing with this, like it makes so much sense.  However, here I am looking at this statement and all I can think is this;  When you are choosing to stop the beating heart of someone other than yourself, it is no longer “YOUR” body.   Even if that beating heart is contained inside your body, it is still undeniably, someone else’s beating heart.  How can anyone who is well educated argue with that?  Its very simple isnt it?  Yet nobody seems to “get it”.

 

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And really, is it a fair argument to push to terminate a life because the baby isn’t perfect or “normal” whatever that means.  Aren’t we all “defective” and  abnormal somehow?   How many of us have perfect minds and/or bodies?  Do any of us have perfect skin, straight teeth, flawless physique, brilliant minds, personalities free of oddness and mental issues, etc?   Yeah I thought so.   So why is it so hard for would be parents to realize this?

 

What’s worse?  Finding out your child has a fatal condition.  One that will take the life of your precious love before he or she takes their first breath.  Or maybe minutes, or hours after birth.    Maybe people figure they don’t want to go through the pregnancy and birth only to lose the baby…  I mean, pregnancy is tough, I know, I have had three tough ones.  Maybe it just seems to hard, too real to actually meet this child, bond and then say goodbye.   For thousands upon thousands, abortion is the fate their child succumbs to when a disheartening diagnosis enters the picture.

But for some, many in fact… they choose life.  They choose to take the chance.  They choose to let whatever will happen, happen.    THIS is one such story.

The couple in this short video are giving us a precious glimpse into that world.    It is unimaginable.  Raw.  Heart shattering.  But it’s beyond precious… that little tiny light they’ve shared with us.  They chose life for their child even thought they knew it would be the hardest path they’ve ever taken.  And for that, I commend them.   I thank them.

 

Dissclaimer:

All this said, it is well established throughout my blog what my stance is on abortion.  However, I believe some  people try to do the best they can in their circumstances.  Many have regrets, and many don’t.  My post is not intended to judge anyone for their choices, it is only to shed light on this very hard topic.   Hateful comments are not appreciated.  If you care to share your story, you are welcome to.

 

 

 

Best for the child?

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As I sat there watching this atrocity unfold on TV about abortion rights, my insides shriveled up in disgust over what my ears were hearing.   I heard things like, abortion may be what is “Best for the mother or what is best for the child”.  BEST FOR THE CHILD?  How is killing a child ever “best” for him/her?   It’s appalling anyone would agree with this statement right?  But then I hear on the TV,  that abortion is essentially okay if the child is going to die anyway once it is born.      Wait wait wait, Huh?!  Its’ okay to kill a BABY, yes a BABY,  in a painful and horrific way because it will probably die anyway once born. Yeah, you know I have heard of babies who were “supposed to die” at birth, being born healthy and surviving.  Doctors aren’t always right.  And even if the baby is going to pass once born, then at least you get to hold your baby in your arms when it happens,  rather than disposing of the parts in a plastic bio-hazard bag!!!

As I share this craziness with my husband, he says to me, “That’s the same as walking through the hospice wing of a hospital and just shooting everyone in the head because “they’re going to die anyway” right?”, so true!  My husband has a point doesn’t he?  I never thought of it that way and I am fairly certain that those who choose the argument of imminent death after birth as a green light for aborting the baby, haven’t thought of it that way either!  At least it would seem that way.

The voices on the television go on to say;  “No one is pro abortion, everyone is pro a woman’s choice”.   Are you kidding me here?  Sure, women should be able to choose what happens with their body, I agree with that.  However, the baby inside them is no longer their body, it’s that child’s body, right?   Therefore the woman should not get to decide when and how that child should die.

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What do you feel when you see this photo? Notice her sign…

The women at the round table continue this discussion; “18,000 abortions per year occur after 20 weeks gestation”.  This is,  “ONLY” 1% of all abortions in the US, wow that’s staggering!    18,000 abortions is only 1%, that is a huge number in itself!   I feel like I should be done listening to this monstrosity and change the channel, but despite my trepidation, I continue to listen.

They go on to say that if the child is malformed its okay to abort because it isn’t fair for the family to have to create a, and I quote, “new normal”.  Okay now I feel the vomit about to come up right about now…   Do people actually feel this way?  Do people actually choose to take their baby’s life merely because it’s birth would cause them the need to find a new normal?  Lets be clear here, any baby, disabled or not, causes the family to find a “new normal”!!!  This is too much now!  It’s all excuses for people to be irresponsible and heartless all while trying to make it seem acceptable.  Especially for themselves.  Does it help with the guilt maybe if one were to convince the brain of this?

How many times has the argument been, ” The baby isn’t viable so it’s alright to abort”.  Let’s clarify that viability in this country is around 24-26 weeks gestation.  Maybe you’re not sure what that means?  A fetus that age typically looks like this:   25 week fetus

Or better yet…    week24

This baby is actually 24 weeks, but could survive if born.   In fact babies have been born at just shy of 22 weeks and survived.   You telling me this baby cant feel the pain of an abortion?  Yeah, I thought so…  This little cutie weighs about 1.5 to 2 pounds at this age, and viable or not, it has a beating heart, a functioning brain, human features, actions, responses and feelings.  They can hear and respond to music inside the womb and react to it with kicks or grimaces.  They can suck their thumbs and play with their feet or umbilical cord in the womb, as many babies have been seen doing just that via ultrasound.  It’s a person in there, not a clump of “viable”  or “not viable” cells.    Ultrasound techs who have been present at abortions have reported witnessing the baby trying to scramble and get away from the abortion instruments. They have even seen them appear to be screaming once it has begun.  This heart-wrenching reaction has been dubbed “the silent scream”.  If that doesn’t make your heart sink, my blog may not be the right place for you.  My “mommy heart” is all over this emotion and it kills me.

I am not discounting the scars that are left behind for most of the women who chose this heinous procedure.  They look back on their choice as a moment of weakness and they wish they would have chosen differently.  But we live, and we learn, and we heal.  I have never personally experienced this, however I know women who have, and it is sad to see them endure the pain of the choice.  At the time it seems like the only way for one reason or another.  Fear.   What will she say to her family?   She is too young.  What will she do to get through it?  She has no support.   She has no money.  She is afraid of what will happen to her body.  She is utterly alone.   What if she can’t finish school?  She can’t raise a child.  These thoughts come at her like a title wave and there is nobody to talk to, nobody to tell her that there is a way to overcome ALL of these fears.  She is strong enough, but she doesn’t know it.  That this will be okay.

My heart breaks for this woman.

Me and Emira

Me and Emira

How many babies are aborted because of a positive Down Syndrome diagnosis?  Thousands! Nearly 90% in the US alone.  But I personally know people who got this diagnosis, had the baby and guess what… NO DOWNS?  What if they would have aborted merely on the doctors diagnosis?  I cannot even fathom!   What I really can’t figure out is, what is everyone so afraid of?  So what your kid is “disabled ” in some way, I use that term carefully here as I really don’t see it that way.   What about Van Gogh, Beethoven, Stephen Hawking, or even Nick Vujicic?  All of these people have some form of severe “disability” yet lead/still lead full lives!  I mean, Nick has no limbs at all and is successful, happy and has a beautiful wife and son.  Yet somehow these parents think that this child who “may” have a disability or deformity isn’t worth saving?  Sigh

Here is Nick pictured with his son.  Does that look scary or beautiful to you?  I vote beautiful!

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I happen to know several parents who have children rocking that extra chromosome and those kids are fantastic, with happy parents to boot!  They are not any more difficult for the parents to raise than a child without it.  So there you go,  all life is valuable.   ALL babies are work for the parent and cause ones life to change drastically.  Parenting is hard but so very rewarding.   It is the greatest work I have ever done, the most important work, the most beautiful and life changing, and I would never change a thing about my choice to birth our children.  Even as a single mother, young, with not a lot of support or ability to provide.  Having my son was the BEST decision I ever made.  It was scary, challenging and sometimes my infant son wasn’t the one doing all the crying.  I still say, that boy was my blessing in disguise.  He is my angel.  I stand amazed at his spirit, his heart and the beautiful young man he is becoming.    And it is all because I chose him.  I wanted him.  And now I have been blessed by him, he is my precious gift from God.

I pray every woman out there in the world chooses life for her baby, even if she chooses not to be the one raising him/her.  I pray she will see what a blessing adoption can be, and choose life.  I pray she will seek answers before following the advice of her doctor telling her to abort.    I pray she will not blindly choose to kill her baby due to the many faces of fear.   And ladies, there are so many resources out there to help you if you end up in a bad spot and need help.  Most churches have pregnancy resource centers that will not judge you, they are there to help you.  Adoption is a fantastic option and there are so many couples who would be great parents and cannot have children themselves.  In most cases, you get to choose the couple who will adopt your baby and you may also choose to have an open or closed adoption (you can still be part of your baby’s life or not), and your medical expense will be paid, and so on.  I am not an expert here, but all of these are options for you.

END RANT…

I appreciate your comments and feedback however if you do not have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Thanks for reading!

Blessings!

Treasures, Not Trash

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First off I must say a big WOW!  Wow, wow, wow, wow!  I am overwhelmed by all of the support I have received from you all, my readers!  Over the course of the last few days I have had almost 8,000 visitors to my blog and I am truly shocked and overwhelmed!  So thank you all for your support!

In light of my most recent post  No Words,  many of you were so very understandably angry at how something like this could happen.  The answer is simple, God gave us free will.  He allows us to choose, without intervening.   And when evil takes hold on someone and they act in an evil way towards someone else, God cannot do anything to stop it even though His heart is breaking.  That was a really hard lesson for me to learn and accept.  But I too was so angry once, still am, but now I get it.  It isn’t God’s fault, it’s ours (as people). So WE must rise up to change it.  I truly believe He will bless us and guide us step by step, as I have seen Him do in my own quest.  His love for these sweet kids, in every situation around the globe is so immeasurable.  He has not forgotten them.  Every hair on their head is irreplaceable to Him.

My real agenda here is to answer one big question that I got from so many of you and that question is;  “How can I help?”

Truly at first I did not have an answer.  I myself have  been waiting for God to point me in the next direction, an action direction.   But then I started thinking about it and I think I have the answer, or at least an answer for now.

Folks there is so much you can do to help.  The need is so overwhelming and the feeling of not being able to do enough to make a difference is common.    So I am going to give a simple list that may point those wanting to help in the right direction.

  • First off,  prayer is HUGE!  I cannot stress this enough!  God sees every one of these children and cares for them deeply and passionately.  They are His children.  He loves them the same way I love my own children.  They are of His heart and I know it aches for them and their plight.  When you pray for them, He hears you, every time.  So pray fervently and trust that He is listening, loving and helping.
  • Secondly, Educating yourself and sharing what you know can help.  We are power in numbers and can reach so very many closed minds with this knowledge.  I have spent so much time and tears writing the information contained on my blog and encourage you to read read read.  Then, share what moves you.  Don’t be afraid of those who say they “can’t or “won’t” look at it, just share without fear.  When you share, it could save a life.  You could be playing a pivotal role in an orphaned child finding their forever family.  Helping to open ones heart to a world they may never have known otherwise, and finding their child who has been lost in the system.  Or perhaps find their true calling.  All because YOU shared.
  •  Advocate, blog, share your love of children with the world.  I am here if you need advice on that 😉
  • Check out:  http://reecesrainbow.org/waystohelp   . Reece’s Rainbow is a huge and amazing organization who loves these kids greatly.  This adoption site has all kinds of ways you can help these kiddos.
  • My wonderful friends Kim and Jed recently moved their whole family to Ukraine to DO something to help make a difference and let me tell you how awesomely God has blessed them and what they do.  Please check it out, it’s truly phenomenal.  They are all about improving the quality of life for these kids.  http://wideawakeinternational.org/vision/
  • Pleven is known as one of the worst orphanages there is.  So many children perished there from pure neglect and starvation.  I have had the privileged of talking with adoptive parents whose children barely made it out of there with their lives and are now thriving and loved to peices!  Luckily the condition of one of these kids made it to the spotlight and changes have begun!  You can read about that lovely child, little Katie who came from Pleven, here : http://theblessingofverity.com/2013/12/god-won/  .  Pleven has now launched a new program as a way to let others help them meet the great need in this place, which you can see here:  http://www.plevenproject.org/  .  You can also read about it here: http://theblessingofverity.com/2013/12/the-p-l-e-v-e-n-project/  .
Little Katie at 9 years old

Little Katie at 9 years old

Well folks I hope that this helped to answer some of your questions.  Please don’t hesitate to ask if you have more!  Thank you all once again!  I truly believe that if we are willing to step out in faith and do something, anything, we can make a difference to even just one child.  All of these abandoned, abused, neglected children who are seen by those responsible as trash, are really precious treasures just waiting for a chance.

“God doesn’t require us to succeed, he only requires that you try.”
― Mother Teresa

Susanna’s Story

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Hello everyone!  I apologize for the lapse in posting, you can all just think of it as my giving you all some time to breath, I know my posts can be quite long.

With that said, I have a real treat for you today!  I have the extreme pleasure of sharing my friend Susanna’s story, thank you Susanna!  She has a wonderful  blog at http://theblessingofverity.com/.   Her story is one that absolutely MUST be read by everyone!  It offers a very real look into the dark world that some of these precious orphaned children live in.  Susanna’s story is heartbreaking but incredibly inspirational.  This is the story of Katie’s adoption.  It is long I will warn you, (it’s nice to know I am not the only one who has a lot to say) but there are a lot of photos and I promise you will not regret reading it all the way through.  I mean, you just can’t condense a story of this magnitude.    Mom’s, get ready to cry!  🙂

Introducing Susanna…

The story of Katie’s adoption

As requested long ago, here is a summary of the story of Katie’s adoption~

We are an ordinary homeschooling family of ordinary means with eleven children and an extraordinary God.

In February of 2010, halfway through my pregnancy with our tenth child, we found out that she would most likely be born with Down syndrome and a severe heart defect. I began blogging a few days later, compelled by God to write down the story as He would tell it. Before this, both my husband and I were nearly completely ignorant about people with special needs, including Down syndrome. But by the time our daughter Verity was born several months later, from all we had already learned, we were excited to have been hand-picked by God for this special child.

Having Verity was the first transformative doorway we walked through on this new journey.

I continued to blog after Verity was born in June of 2010, through her urgent open heart surgery at five weeks of age and beyond.  Now we added many photos of our sweet little one, who had completely charmed us with her bright-eyed spunky personality!

Incredibly, we began to hear from blog readers whose hearts were opened to adopt a child with Down syndrome through reading Verity’s story. When Verity was four months old, and I was questioning whether I should continue to put the time into blogging, I heard from a friend who said that she and her husband were considering domestic adoption of a child with Down syndrome. She asked me to recommend reading for her to prepare for the needs of an adopted child with Down syndrome.

That October night in 2010, I was researching online for that friend, never suspecting how God would use it to completely change the course of our family’s life. I came across a short Youtube clip called, “The Dark Side of Serbian Mental Institutions.”

That five minute video was the second transformative doorway we walked through.

My husband and I looked at one another after watching the video.  As our eyes met, we knew that we would adopt a child like that one day if God opened the door, and we knew that God could open the door, no matter how impossible it might look to humans.

We learned that all across Eastern Europe, children born with special needs are routinely put into orphanages at birth.  Then at some point, usually between the ages of 4 and 8 years old, depending on the child and the country, they are transferred to adult mental institutions.  These are places that aren’t fit for a dog, let alone an extra needy and vulnerable child. The youngest child we have heard of being transferred to an adult mental institution wasseventeen months old. We learned that about 80% of the children die within their first year of transfer to one of these grim institutions, and if their diagnosis is Down syndrome, that percentage rises as high as 95%.

We also learned that children who are severely neglected and deprived of human contact stop producing human growth hormone. They simply stop growing.

We learned that the children sent to adult mental institutions often spend all their time in their beds or if they are strong enough, they sit all day in one small room with nothing to do, a room crowded with others who are rocking and groaning.

They receive poor nourishment.

They often receive only one diaper change a day if that.

They learn not to cry, since nobody ever comes to help them.

They are sometimes drugged and/or tied to their beds to keep them easier to care for or to prevent them from harming themselves out of sheer insane boredom and attempting to make themselves feel something at all.

When they die, nobody mourns their death—just one less mouth to feed and diaper to change.

There was a little girl on the Serbia video who cut into our hearts. She was a little girl with Down syndrome, looking at us with her almond-shaped eyes through the bars of her crib.

Will I ever be able to see her in my mind’s eye and repeat these words without crying?

“Katerina is nine. She has Down syndrome,” the speaker said.

It was as if we were seeing our own flesh, our own little daughter Verity, lying there neglected and unloved. We couldn’t imagine our small, vulnerable, much-beloved daughter destined to life imprisonment in the nightmare of an Eastern European adult mental institution. Even the small care and comfort that children receive in a baby house, where oftentimes the staff really do care for the children as best they can, will all be gone the day they are placed in the back seat of a car, driven to the institution, have their heads shaved, and are put into their bed, nameless, voiceless, helpless, and hopeless.

Shortly after God opened our eyes to the fact that children with special needs just like Verity were being thrown out for the trash all across Eastern Europe, and that He was compelling His people to do something about it, He began doing a series of miracles before our eyes. Before two months had passed, He had placed us in a position that made us financially qualify to adopt. From that point on, He moved mountain after mountain to enable us to bring Katie home as our daughter.

Before this, God had made it clear that I was to pick up the pencil and write what He was doing. Now it seemed to us that He picked us up as though we were the pencils, and continued to tell the story using our lives.

When we began the adoption process, we understood that this was clearly God’s business, and we placed our complete trust in Him to bring it about if that was His will. We knew that no matter how it may appear to us, nothing is impossible with God. We were outside the box in many areas, including the size of our family, our income, our small house, and our membership in Samaritan Ministries International rather than carrying typical health insurance.

We knew that to get through the process, God would have to move, and that it would otherwise be impossible. In other words, there was no possible way we could adopt Katie if God didn’t want us to.  There are always myriads of ways for Him to close the adoption door, and for us, some of those possible ways were obvious.  He was literally our only hope.

And so the adoption proceeded, glory to God!  Every impossible obstacle toppled before Him, very often in dramatic, heart-stopping, last-minute ways.  We experienced the reality that finances, timing, and the decisions of man are all under His control.

Because of our large family, we were a good fit for a Bulgaria adoption, since they don’t have limitations on family size. We chose an agency with a Bulgaria program and found our daughter Katie on their waiting children listing.

Her file said that she was very small, still almost as small as a baby, and did not have any skills, although she was almost nine years old.  We understood that this meant that she had been neglected and deprived of the opportunity to bond and interact with anyone, or to learn from them. We knew that she might have feeding issues, very common in children with Down syndrome, but without someone to work with her and teach her to eat properly, she might not be getting enough food. We saw that her hair was thin, another sign of malnutrition.  We were told that her orphanage was in a poor area of Bulgaria.  We were aware that she could possibly have a heart condition which was impacting her ability to grow. We knew it was possible her photos and the information in her file were outdated, and that she may have grown and progressed since then.  We learned that internationally adopted children may have parasites which could cause a failure to thrive.

There was a lot we didn’t know.  But one thing we did know.  We as a family could give this baby bird what she had lacked for so many years and needed most–love, food, home, and family. We loved her as if she was already ours and committed to adopt her in February of 2011. We named her Katerina Hope. “Katerina” for the girl on the Serbia video, and “Hope” for the children she would leave behind her when she came home.

The next month, in March of 2011, through an amazing providence of God, we made contact with a missionary couple in Sofia, Bulgaria.  They were willing to help us by visiting Katie’s orphanage and taking a large donation from friends in the United States.  Through this missionary, we received photos and videos of Katie and some of the other children on her floor.

For me, this was the third transformative doorway.

As I looked through the photos, my heart was unexpectedly peaceful for Katie, knowing she had a family who loved her and was coming for her.

She appeared to be doing better since she had received a baba.  We found out later that this was true.  She weighed 7 pounds at age 7, before she received her baba, and was not expected to live.

But the other children!

How would I ever be able to walk out of the orphanage and leave the other children behind, alone, invisible, unwanted, helpless?

As a family, we began to pray that God would show us a way to help the rest of the children with special needs in Katie’s orphanage to be adopted.  We had no idea what this would mean.  Nevertheless, we knew that our God could do anything, so we continued to pray this for months, until He answered by showing us a way.

A Bulgaria adoption requires two trips of about a week each, normally separated by four to six months of legal process, during which time the adoption is finalized in court in Bulgaria in the parents’ absence.

I traveled alone to meet Katie in mid-August, 2011.

What we didn’t know until the day I arrived in Bulgaria was that our attorney had never been to this particular baby house.

When I held Katie in my arms for the first time, I knew the shock of holding a starving child.My baby was nine years old, but her body was tiny and frail, the size of a skeletal nine to twelve month old.

The staff’s casual explanation was that they fed the children well, but that it was their disabilities that caused their condition. It was obvious to me that this was not true.  I knew that Down syndrome and cerebral palsy do not cause ten and twelve year old children to be the size of babies and toddlers.  I knew that what we were seeing was the result of criminal profound neglect and deliberate underfeeding.

I was allowed to feed Katie every day with a heavy glass beer bottle with a huge hole cut into the nipple, causing the smelly liquid inside to run freely down her throat so fast she had to gulp to keep up with it.

The contents appeared to be a watered-down flour gravy with other ingredients occasionally added to it.  We were to find out later that many of the deaths were caused by this inhumane feeding method–the children’s bottles were propped, and they aspirated fluid and died by asphyxiation, alone in their beds.

Our attorney had been facilitating special needs adoption for many years.  She immediately saw the huge contrast between the Pleven baby house and so many others she had worked with.  She had met many directors who deeply cared about the children under their care and did their very best to stretch limited resources and make the caregivers do their job right.  In Bulgaria, orphanage directors must be either pediatricians or family practice physicians.  The Pleven orphanage was like an adult mental institution, our attorney told me.  The director was the coldest and most detached director she had ever met, and refused to meet our eyes.

That same day, our attorney called an international human rights organization to report the orphanage, and they promised to investigate. I continued to blog under our attorney’s oversight, and unbeknownst to me, God used that to quickly spread the word far and wide about what was happening.  Thousands of people began to pray, and God began moving hearts to want to adopt the other children there who were also in poor condition.

When I met with the director that Monday morning, just before meeting Katie for the first time, I told her that we cared about more of the children there than just our girl.  I asked her what needed to happen for the rest of the children with special needs to be made available for adoption.  I asked what we could do to help make that happen.  She coldly answered that it was impossible, that all had already been done that could be done, and she said it without meeting our eyes.

But two days later, with thousands of people now praying that God would break open the doors of the orphanage, the director came to our attorney and miraculously offered to give her the files of the rest of the children with Down syndrome in the orphanage.  After she walked away, we praised God with tears in our eyes!  Unbelievable!

The next day, the director came to our attorney again, and this time offered to give her the files of all the children with special needs in the whole orphanage.

The director had no idea that she was doing this unprecedented thing as a direct answer to thousands of fervent prayers.  But the doors were now breaking open.  The files began to be processed and children began to be made available, one, two, or three at a time, slowly over the next months, and families began to step forward to adopt them.

From the moment we reached our hotel after that first visit to the Pleven orphanage, Katie’s adoption began to be expedited.

The week we went to pick up Katie exactly three months later, we found out that the Pleven orphanage had been investigated by the human rights organization in September, the month after I had been there myself.

We began to hear more and more details about the wrongdoing of the Pleven orphanage staff.

The director, who had been in place since the Soviet era, and her daughter, who was the head social worker in the orphanage, had an arrangement set up that tidily benefited themselves.

They did not see to it that every child was properly registered for adoption, as should legally happen when they enter the orphanage.

The director solicited funds for improvements that did not benefit the children but did raise her own pension.

She was misappropriating hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of funds and changing donation records to cover it up or failing to record donations at all.

The children were indeed being deliberately underfed, especially the children with disabilities, of whom there were many.  The children were kept small so that they would not be transferred along with their government stipend to other institutions.  This enabled the director to amass a large number of children, necessitating a large staff.  This baby house for children ages birth to three years old was housing children up to the age of adulthood, little like babies and toddlers.

Underfeeding the children also kept them conveniently tiny, lethargic, and easy to carry across the room by one arm.

Some of the children were never taken from their beds.  Many of them spent nearly all their time in bed, and were taken out for a few hours a week by one of the babas, or grannies, local older women who were paid a small sum to come in and hold the child they were matched with.  The baba program was begun just a few years earlier, so all the older children had spent most of their life trapped inside their bed.

The children received one diaper change a day, if any, and sometimes were not changed or fed over the weekend.  Many of the children had terrible diaper rash, sometimes suffering from one raw, open wound in their whole diaper area.

There were children like living skeletons on the top floor where Katie and the other very disabled children were kept.  She was the first child to be adopted from the top floor of the Pleven orphanage, the floor for children labeled, “Malformations.”

Katie was 9 1/2 years old, was 29 inches long, and weighed 10 pounds and 9 ounces when we took her out of the Pleven orphanage in mid-November of 2011.

A twelve month sleeper was too large on her, and she wore a size 1 diaper.

Katie with her new Mama, struck with wonder at the privilege of receiving this long-hoped-for child~

We picked her up on a Monday and reached the United States that Saturday night.  Katie had gained half a pound in five days, and weighed more than 11 pounds for the first time in her life.

The night we picked her up from the orphanage, however, and were now back in our hotel room in Sofia, Katie stopped eating.  Through various kind Providences, we ended up seeing the top pediatrician in Bulgaria in the best hospital in Bulgaria.  This specialist and the other medical staff of the Tokuda Hospital who saw Katie were profoundly shaken and ashamed that this had taken place in their country.  They gave Katie gentle, compassionate care and charged us very little.  Katie spent a day and a half there to receive IV fluids and a naso-gastric tube.

The best food we had available to give her was my own milk, as I was still pumping for Verity.

God had marvelously provided a nurse named Adam Boroughs to be Katie’s medical escort for our trip home.  He is the adoptive dad of ten, going on eleven children, many of whom have special needs, and he and his wife Amy have become our good friends.

Once we reached the United States with Katie that weekend, we took her to the hospital, where she was directly admitted to the PICU for nutritional rehabilitation as had been previously arranged by Dr. Friedman, our dedicated international adoption clinic doctor.

Here she is saying goodbye to Katie the day before we took her home.

The process of nutritional rehabilitation had to be accomplished carefully, as Katie was at high risk of developing something called re-feeding syndrome, which is a metabolic cascade leading to sudden death that can occur in people who are given too much good nutrition too quickly after being in starvation mode.

Katie came home with scurvy, severe anemia, atrophic skin, muscle wasting, severe osteoporosis, and multiple spinal compression fractures due to the severe protein-energy malnutrition she had suffered all her life.

She spent twelve days in the PICU, during which time I stayed by her side as much as possible.  We saw her progress on her long journey toward bonding with me.

In a few short months at home with us, she progressed from a being a lethargic, frightened, dehydrated, starving, 9 1/2 year old infant orphan at a 0-3 month old developmental level, who couldn’t hold her own head upright for more than a minute, had never touched a toy to her palm or borne her own weight on her feet…

Verity is 17 months old in this photo.

…to being a healing, thriving, growing, progressing, well-loved daughter and sister in our family.  Her family.

Katie is now over 34 inches long and weighs over 30 pounds.

She has learned to enjoy being touched, moved, and held.  She is now tolerating and even seeking out more eye contact than ever before.  She is bonding strongly to me and the rest of her family.

She has learned to say, “Mama,” and a few other functional words, and is currently expanding her vocalizations.

After wearing diapers for nearly ten years, Katie is almost completely toilet trained, although she is completely dependent on me to help her with the process.  She is able to tell me when she needs to use the toilet, and wait until I take her.

She has learned to move correctly from her belly to sitting, and can do a correct cross-pattern army crawl. She readily pulls up to her hands and knees.  She needs minimal prompting and support to pull herself up to standing.  She can stand upright with minimal support.  [NOTE:  A few hours after I wrote these words, Katie pulled herself up to standing without assistance, then proudly proceeded to do it again and again to the loud cheering and clapping of her family.]

She went from being irritated at the sight of toys and attempting to bat them away with the back of her hand to learning to interact appropriately with toys when given lots of prompting and encouragement.

She went from being unable to suck or chew to being able to drink thickened liquids from an open cup and lightly chew and eat a very wide variety of soft solid foods.  She can feed herself some types of finger foods.

When Katie had been home for three weeks, we heard the good news that the director of the Pleven orphanage had been fired.  Over the next weeks, all the children over the age of three years old who were sufficiently healthy were moved to smaller and better orphanages.  No new children were sent to the Pleven baby house. Previously there had been approximately 250 children in the orphanage, and now there were approximately 150 children there.

I contacted the wonderful pediatrician who had seen Katie in Bulgaria to appeal to her for help, very concerned that well-meaning people might go into the orphanage and begin to feed the children better. We knew that this could throw some of them into re-feeding syndrome.  I asked her if there was any way she could supervise the process, and she promised to arrange to take a team from the Tokuda Hospital to the orphanage to assess the children.

Less than a month later, we found out some bad news.  The director of the Pleven baby house had declared that she intended to fight her charges in court, and gotten herself another position at the orphanage–Head of Human Resources.  As a result, nothing had changed in the orphanage.

Then God intervened again.  We received word that one of the other tiny, malnourished children who was being adopted from the top floor had lost the will to live and was refusing to eat or drink.  We contacted the Tokuda pediatrician with another appeal for help.

After considerable resistance from the orphanage, the pediatrician took that little girl back to Tokuda, along with two more extremely malnourished children who were being adopted.  They were taken safely through the process of nutritional rehabilitation and given lots of love and affection.  All three gained some weight.

Not long afterward, this Tokuda pediatrician kept her promise and took a team into the Pleven orphanage and assessed every child there.  Rampant profound medical neglect was discovered. Large numbers of the children needed various tests, procedures, and surgeries. Three children at a time have been admitted to the Tokuda Hospital since early spring, and that is still ongoing.  Because of this intervention, none of the rest of the children adopted from Pleven will need to go through the process of nutritional rehabilitation that Katie did when we brought her home.

The government of Bulgaria had to become involved to get the orphanage to cooperate with all this.  They became angry when they found out that the conditions for the children had not changed because the former director was still in power. They sent the heads of the Ministry of Health and the Child Protection Agency to do a surprise investigation of the Pleven orphanage, and asked our attorney to cooperate in going public with the whole story, including Katie’s story.

So Katie ended up on the front page of all the major newspapers in Bulgaria, the only child in the world who could prove the orphanage staff wrong when they blamed the children’s extreme malnutrition on their inability to grow due to their disabilities.

The old director was completely removed shortly thereafter.  The new director who was named is an answer to thousands of prayers. Her task is monumentally difficult, but she cares about the children and is trying to change the way things are done in order to provide better care for them.

A few other children from Pleven are now all the way home with their families, growing and thriving.  More children are still in the process of being adopted.  Some of them are available for adoption, waiting for their families to step forward with love, faith, and courage to do whatever it takes to bring them home.  And there are some children still waiting to be made available for adoption.

From the time I first met Katie, over 134,000 individuals have read her story on our blog. We prayed that God would use Katie’s adoption to show Himself for who He really is, and He has answered that prayer. Many have given Him praise for the great things He has done! Some have trusted Christ for salvation after coming face to face with the reality of who He is. Many hundreds of people have written to tell us that God has used our family’s story to completely transform their way of thinking, and many of them have proceeded to adopt their own precious children with special needs from Eastern Europe, including children from Pleven.  People have prayed, given to funds for medical care at the Tokuda Hospital for the children and for more nurses and grannies for the orphanage, and have supported families who are adopting the children.

When we consider all God has done and is still doing through Katie’s story, we have such a strong and tangible sense that it doesn’t really have to do with us.  He could have chosen anybody to play the role He asked of us.  We pray, and act, and write, and love, but we have no ability to make the things happen that we have seen God do.  God is the One who is taking the prayer, the action, the writing, and the loving, and doing whatever He wants to do with it to accomplish His good purposes.  When we think about this, it’s too much to take in.  We are on our faces before Him!

God has shown Himself to be our great Provider by meeting every need that we have had for Katie, from thousands of dollars’ worth of adaptive equipment, to having every drop of her formula given to us, to a care fund started by a friend and given to by many to help us pay for extra expenses we have for Katie. The list goes on and on and on.

What we have seen during the past year and a half in our family as well as in other adoptive families who love the Lord shows that the following passage is just as true today as it was thousands of years ago when it was first written:

“Is this not the fast that I have chosen: To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?

Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’“If you take away the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, If you extend your soul to the hungry
And satisfy the afflicted soul,
Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,
And your darkness shall be as the noonday.
The Lord will guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
Those from among you
Shall build the old waste places;
You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach,
The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.”

~Isaiah 58:6-12

[Disclaimer:  The conditions in the Pleven orphanage are the exception in Bulgaria.  The orphanages usually do their best to provide for the children and they are not like the one in Pleven.  The care is good compared to other Eastern European countries, as far as care in an orphanage can be good.  Not only did the Bulgarian governmental institutions not defend the personnel at the Pleven orphanage, but they took the appropriate steps to change things.]

Oh My Heart! – Guest Post

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Today’s post is courtesy of Adeye, who has a wonderful blog at:   http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/

Adeye has a huge heart for children, especially those with special needs who have otherwise been tossed away by society.  She has already adopted four children with special needs internationally and let me tell you how amazing these children are today.  They have blossomed and thrived and it has all been because Adeye and her family saw each child as a child in need instead of a child with special needs.  Adeye’s family is currently in the process of adopting two precious children from Eastern Europe.  Below is her personal account of the amazing experience she had meeting a special boy named Zack while in Europe.  Please take a few minutes to meet sweet Zack as well, he is a doll and will steal your heart!

Thanks for reading!

Without further delay, I have the pleasure to bring you Adeye’s story!

___________________________________

This one too, Lord!

It was the last day of visits with our sweet daughters in the orphanage. My new friend and fellow adoptive mom, Susan, and I choked back tears as we headed out the door one final time. We had spent seven glorious days with our daughters.

And then it was time to leave.

Having adopted children from different countries, I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty…

There is nothing like leaving your child behind in an orphanage!

There is nothing like knowing where you are leaving them—and walking OUT!

Because knowing changes everything!

As we drove out of the orphanage gates that Friday just a few weeks ago, we headed to a different orphanage on our way back to the capital city, Sofia. Our driver needed to get updated pictures and video of a little boy who had recently been listed for adoption.

We arrived at the institution, and both Susan and I knew that we just had to meet this little boy. Our driver agreed that we could come in with him.

We were greeted by many children as we entered the building that day.

Beautiful, precious, and amazing children all created by the Master Craftsman Himself.

Each one with many needs.

But mostly, the need for someone to come for them. The need to be loved. The need to be accepted for who they are—His beautiful creations–fearfully and wonderfully made just the way they are.

My heart was breaking before we even entered the front door.

We were ushered into a smaller room.

And within minutes…he came in.

The most darling little boy. I thought him to be maybe around eight years old. Later I found out that he is eleven.

His name is Zack.

Susan and I sat watching as our driver tried to interview Zack for a video for prospective parents. Neither of us understanding Bulgarian, we had no idea what he and the orphanage director were saying to the boy. He seemed to do okay for a few minutes and answered their questions politely.

Then, all of a sudden, tears started streaming down his little cheeks. He sobbed quietly—unable to get out a single word.

He was clearly heartbroken.

We both choked back tears—not wanting the little guy to see us all weepy. We did not know why in the world this sweet and tender little boy was so upset. It was very obvious though that he had such deep pain and that his heart was aching.

Sitting there and observing this dear little boy crying heart-wrenching sobs just about ripped my heart out! Everything in me wanted to rush over and hold him tightly—calming his anxious heart and assuring him that God had not forsaken him—that his Daddy in heaven knew what was tearing him apart.

Later that day, we heard Zack’s story….

And I knew instantly that I would go to the ends of the earth to help this little boy get the one thing in this life that he has never had, never known.

The one thing that made him cry until he literally could not stop!

I listened as my attorney shared Zack’s story with me.

It began with his best friend, Maria. They grew up in a very decent orphanage (as far as orphanages go) and spent the first eleven years bonding—being together. I am told that they are more than just best friends—but more like family. Until recently, the only family either of them had ever known. Zack and Maria shared a room (very normal for Eastern European orphanages) and spent every waking moment together—inseparable!

But everything was soon to change. Maria was blessed! Unbeknownst to her, she had been found, chosen by an amazing single mom who just knew that Maria was the daughter of her heart.

Maria was soon to know what it meant to be FAMILY.

I am so thankful that Katherine shared Maria and Zack’s story with me. She met Maria for the first time last December. The social worker at the orphanage informed Katherine that she would be meeting Maria’s best friend, telling her that they were extremely close. She got to know Zack pretty well during that first trip to his country.

Months passed and finally Katherine was able to return to Eastern Europe to complete the adoption process for Maria.

Here’s her account of that day—“Gotcha Day,” as it is known for adoptive parents.

My Gotcha Day was horrible, to say the least. We were asked to be at the orphanage by 11 am so that one staff member could say goodbye to Maria. I got there and did ask about Zack’s availability to be adopted. I wanted to help him find his mom. I was told that Zack was being moved that very same day to a new orphanage.  These days I understand why he had to be moved and I understand why it was easier to do it all at once….sort of rip the band aid off. 

My heart still weeps for the memory of that day. 

You see, the orphanage that Maria and Zack were at was for children birth through seven years. The orphanage had kept both Maria and Zack until they were 11 1/2, because they knew that the kids were special that they needed the additional care. So, on my pick up date I was looking through the photo album I was given of Maria by the orphanage. The director came in and told me I needed to be strong because the kids (Maria and Zack) were not handling the separation well. I quickly gathered my things and went to the lobby. 

I saw Zack first. He was in his chair wailing (it wasn’t just crying). I walked over to him and gave him the gift I had bought specially for him and tried to tell him that it would all be okay, that Maria would be taken care of. The whole time Maria was wailing over by the stairs while another adult spoke with her. Zack quickly rolled himself back to Maria. These two were hugging and kissing each other….truly like siblings…..weeping and crying the whole time. 

Finally a staff member rolled Zack outside in his wheelchair. Maria quickly followed. She no sooner got one step outside and was quickly scooped up by the director and taken to our car. It was only made more difficult by the fact that the two cars for the kids were facing each other. So, they could see each other the whole time we were getting everything into the cars and they never stopped crying. Sasha and the orphanage’s social worker were with Zack and took him to his new orphanage. Maria cried so much as we left and throughout the day for her friend.” 

Oh my goodness! I cannot even imagine being eleven years old and having to lose the one person in the world you love…and who loves you back!

AND be moved that very same day to an unfamiliar new home.

Excruciating!

And so, on the same day that Maria was adopted, Zack was transferred from his place of safety to an institutional-type facility for children and adults with special needs.

And there he has struggled to adjust to his new normal.

Loss.

Grief.

Katherine returned to the U.S with her new daughter and has done everything she possibly could to keep a promise she made Maria.

To find a family to adopt Zack!

Thankfully, with the help of the attorney we are using to adopt our children, God has moved mountains and Zack isfinally listed for adoption.

He has HOPE!

I have thought back to that day a few weeks ago when Susan and I fought back tears as we watched Zack weeping while sitting in his wheelchair.

And I thank God that I didn’t know at that very moment…

That he was crying inconsolably simply because the absolute desire of his heart is to have a family of his own too. And to come to America where he can, once again, have contact with the girl who is like a sister to him.

I just don’t think I would have been strong enough to hold it together.

And so today I come to you all, the amazing readers of my blog, pleading for your help. I KNOW there is a family out there for Zack. What a sweet blessing he would be to a family—he truly is just the most gentle, loving little boy. Zack has CP (which only seems to affect his lower limbs) and scoliosis. He is going GREAT mentally and I’m told that he is on target developmentally. His only “issue” is that he cannot walk. I have, however, seen a picture of him standing up while holding onto a chair. With good medical treatment, there is no telling how far Zack will go.

Would you share his story wherever you possibly can? I would appreciate that so much. Zack has about six weeks left to find a family! That’s it! 

Thank you for sharing Zack’s story! Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus to this little lovie who wants nothing more in this life than to belong—to love and be loved.

Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.
~Ephesians 3:20 

Anyone wanting more information about adopting Zack can contact Shelley at shele337@gmail.com.

Donations to Zack’s adoption fund can be made here

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